Its PROM!

There are multiple versions of my experience to prom. This is one of them, produced with honesty and some necessary gaps.

I must have received a hundred text messages the day of prom. Majority of them revolved around feelings of excitement and nervousness. While others were rsvp's and confirmations of the night’s plans. I know alot of people's preparation plans. Most started with the aspect of hair because that tends to be the most time consuming and rigorous. My day began with waking up early and going to school. Yes it would have been nice to get the extra sleep in preparation for prom, but I personally did not need all day to get ready for the event. It was closer to around 4 when I went to get my hair done. My mom had made an appointment for me to get it done. This was her way of playing a part in the prom process. Not being there physically took a toll on her and she wanted badly to be a part of my experience in some way. It seems as though most mothers willingly become a big part of prom preparations. Because she was not there my dad chose to come. While he sat in the living room my sister helped me get ready. The wall between those gender roles was broken as I had my "big anticipated entrance." I was greeted by my date with some flowers while being wooed by family members. Way before prom I established that I did not want or need any flowers. My date and I approached prom very causally. I was in no way expected flowers, and was a littler turned off by the whole “make an entrance” shenanigans. If anything I tried to go against the whole dominant practices of prom. Even then I feel as though I failed. I got the flowers, I had the dress, and my hair was done. The entrance I made was into the whole ordeal of what prom is.

I’ll admit it right here that yes we did take a limo to prom as well. The limo ride was EXACTLY as stereotyped. We showed up to prom fashionably late, to yet again make our “entrance.” There was food. Yes we danced. Of course there were pictures taken. And yes people who you would never expect to dress up did get dolled up. After the first party there was in fact a second one. And for some even a third one. Between each there was a transformation. Even for me, the girl who doesn’t “believed in prom” was found going along, from the glamorous prom dress to the revealing party dress.

It was a typical prom. And I was a typical participate. I found my biggest transformation the day of prom. Long before the event I just really did not care. Closer to the day my attitude shifted to caring a lot about not caring. I wanted so badly not to care about prom I started a fight against getting involved. And the day of the event I lost that battle. The influence of the event is hard to overcome. So difficult to the point where I ended up with the very typical experience. Surprisingly I am ok with it. I like the classic awkward, and posed pictures. I enjoyed the limo rides and the dancing. A stereotyped, typical experience I was in the end very glad to be a part of.

Prom Interveiws

I. Are you kidding me I already know what I’m probably going to wear” is what my sister said to me about my incomplete outfit to the up coming prom. And so the interview began. Why is it such a big deal? My sister has described the event as special a million times in our interview. Why is it so special? And to that she quickly responded by saying it was a “one time thing.” A child’s first haircut, turning double digits only happens once all only happen once but don’t seem to compare to the hype that’s made about prom. Hadley explained passionately to me that prom was an event that celebrated accomplishment with the people you have spent the last four years with. So why do we except so much?

Hadley could only agree to the question. Then the interview went into a ramble that went something like this:

1. Have a dress that I love and that I feel beautiful in. Because I like dressing up and I think that the stereotype of prom makes you want to feel perfect. Feeling special is what makes prom so special

2. Go with a cute guy. I just want to go with someone I can have fun with.”

I stopped her to ask what she thought the most important thing about prom was. Hadley responded it was “to have fun.” I didn’t really want to accept that cliché answer so I changed the question to what is the most important preparation to make regarding prom? That’s when the focus of the conversation changed to hair. To Hadley the most important preparation is your hair “because the hair style makes all the difference in the way you look.” In short: she is pretty damn excited about Prom.

I. “Prom was awesome,” she said with much enthusiasm. Awesome is a word that describes a noun as being impressive, formidable, amazing, cool or exciting. So what about her prom experience was so awesome? After a pause she described prom going through all her five senses. Creating an image for me as to what it was like. The atmosphere of her experience was seen extravagant. “[The guests] were changed out of every day clothes and into dress up in elegant outfits. It seemed as though everyone stood by a date that they came with. Sometimes girl friends went with their girlfriends, but it was mostly girls went with a guy. Flowers lined the border of the room and were scattered on tables. There was constant loud music playing. The food smelled so good and was seen with dressed up servers.” Hearing this description I could easy picture a prom. I could not necessarily picture the prom she experienced, because the description fit most proms.

I had to double take when she said that her prom was different than most. It was the quality of being unique tat she liked, “ There was no prom king and queen, it was not themed, it wasn’t in the gym and overall it felt more relaxed and lets hyped than other ones.”

I. Are you kidding me I already know what I’m probably going to wear” is what my sister said to me about my incomplete outfit to the up coming prom. And so the interview began. Why is it such a big deal? My sister has described the event as special a million times in our interview. Why is it so special? And to that she quickly responded by saying it was a “one time thing.” A child’s first haircut, turning double digits only happens once all only happen once but don’t seem to compare to the hype that’s made about prom. Hadley explained passionately to me that prom was an event that celebrated accomplishment with the people you have spent the last four years with. So why do we except so much? Hadley could only agree to the question. Then the interview went into a ramble that went something like this: 1. Have a dress that I love and that I feel beautiful in. Because I like dressing up and I think that the stereotype of prom makes you want to feel perfect. Feeling special is what makes prom so special 2. Go with a cute guy. I just want to go with someone I can have fun with.” I stopped her to ask what she thought the most important thing about prom was. Hadley responded it was “to have fun.” I didn’t really want to accept that cliché answer so I changed the question to what is the most important preparation to make regarding prom? That’s when the focus of the conversation changed to hair. To Hadley the most important preparation is your hair “because the hair style makes all the difference in the way you look.” In short: she is pretty damn excited about Prom.

II. “Prom was awesome,” she said with much enthusiasm. Awesome is a word that describes a noun as being impressive, formidable, amazing, cool or exciting. So what about her prom experience was so awesome? After a pause she described prom going through all her five senses. Creating an image for me as to what it was like. The atmosphere of her experience was seen extravagant. “[The guests] were changed out of every day clothes and into dress up in elegant outfits. It seemed as though everyone stood by a date that they came with. Sometimes girl friends went with their girlfriends, but it was mostly girls went with a guy. Flowers lined the border of the room and were scattered on tables. There was constant loud music playing. The food smelled so good and was seen with dressed up servers.” Hearing this description I could easy picture a prom. I could not necessarily picture the prom she experienced, because the description fit most proms.

Prom Interviews

I. Are you kidding me I already know what I’m probably going to wear” is what my sister said to me about my incomplete outfit to the up coming prom. And so the interview began. Why is it such a big deal? My sister has described the event as special a million times in our interview. Why is it so special? And to that she quickly responded by saying it was a “one time thing.” A child’s first haircut, turning double digits only happens once all only happen once but don’t seem to compare to the hype that’s made about prom. Hadley explained passionately to me that prom was an event that celebrated accomplishment with the people you have spent the last four years with. So why do we except so much?

Hadley could only agree to the question. Then the interview went into a ramble that went something like this:

1. Have a dress that I love and that I feel beautiful in. Because I like dressing up and I think that the stereotype of prom makes you want to feel perfect. Feeling special is what makes prom so special

2. Go with a cute guy. I just want to go with someone I can have fun with.”

I stopped her to ask what she thought the most important thing about prom was. Hadley responded it was “to have fun.” I didn’t really want to accept that cliché answer so I changed the question to what is the most important preparation to make regarding prom? That’s when the focus of the conversation changed to hair. To Hadley the most important preparation is your hair “because the hair style makes all the difference in the way you look.” In short: she is pretty damn excited about Prom.

II. “Prom was awesome,” she said with much enthusiasm. Awesome is a word that describes a noun as being impressive, formidable, amazing, cool or exciting. So what about her prom experience was so awesome? After a pause she described prom going through all her five senses. Creating an image for me as to what it was like. The atmosphere of her experience was seen extravagant. “[The guests] were changed out of every day clothes and into dress up in elegant outfits. It seemed as though everyone stood by a date that they came with. Sometimes girl friends went with their girlfriends, but it was mostly girls went with a guy. Flowers lined the border of the room and were scattered on tables. There was constant loud music playing. The food smelled so good and was seen with dressed up servers.” Hearing this description I could easy picture a prom. I could not necessarily picture the prom she experienced, because the description fit most proms.

Prom

Three days before prom and I’m not quite sure what I am going to wear. I think allot of people in my position would be freaking out. I have faith that I will somehow pull it off. Most people spend weeks, months looking for a dress it seems. I remember being advised by last year’s seniors to "start looking now" or to "get on it" and "Dont wait Til the last minute". To bad we had this conversation in June.

Last year I remember wearing one of my mom’s dresses. It was a plain black dress. I wanted to make it more of a "looks at me outfit" and so I paired my plain black dress with some cowboy boots. Considering my date did not want me to be taller than he was (guys are so weird about that) I did not have a lot of shoes to chose from. I think his preferences were tailored to the view that the man is the dominant one. Even if he admitted it I think deep down that’s what the guys actually want. They just want a bigger sense of purpose in the whole ritual. And what they don’t want is to be inferior. Me towering over (maybe not towering) over him would have been demeaning. I can understand that. And so continuing to follow this dominant view he came to pick me up. Not literally, but came to escort me to prom. As if I needed to be carried or escorted.

There are those who worship prom night, the ones who spend all year making preparations for the one night. Then there are those who follow along with prom. They are the ones who might not put a lot of thought into an outfit, or the ones who will wear something different. Expressing their lack of opinion for prom through their wardrobe. Lastly are the people who chose to stay home and ignore it all together. Maybe it is because they didn’t have a date and it’s not worth the humiliation of going alone. Or maybe it is the fact that they do not want to be apart of the tradition of Prom. For most of us, not including those worshipers, we can agree that Prom is overrated.

Comments

To Johnny: http://johnnynormaliswierd.blogspot.com/2011/05/hw-55-culminating-project-care-of-dead.html#comments

I think you choice to write about a very interesting topic. It seems to be a issue that is not throughly addressed in the process of caring for the dead. After someone dies their body goes through the natural process of decomposition. The use of wooden casket enables fluids from the body to contaminate the earth around their grave. While using a metal casket would be a simply solution it is not practical. A metal casket is for one thing harder to make, and delays the natural process of decompostition. Why do people go through so much trouble to delay or stop the process of a bodys decomposition (with caskets or embalming)?

To Amber: http://amberr93.blogspot.com/2011/05/originally-i-had-planned-on-writing.html#comments

I remember you telling me about your project. I was interested then and after reading it I think the project turned out really well. I liked how you made the piece very personal by writing about your views and practice based off of your own religion. You managed to take the piece a step deeper by a temping to learn about other religion aside form your own.
Your research strongly supports what you said "that religion does indeed affect the way one approaches death and his or her thoughts on the afterlife. " I think you could have improved this piece by comparing and contrasting the dominant practices in each religion. Similarities and differences.
Good job

To Natalie: http://nataliegk.blogspot.com/2011/05/homework-55-culminating-project.html?showComment=1305948701780#c1769984663445175898

Your video was really good. I liked the overlapping music you included. it started as more happy toned and transitioned into more mellow tones which I felt set the tone. It was interesting comparing the before and after of funerals. In the very beginning of the unit i remember having a brief talk with my grandpa bout funerals when he was younger. Your video sparked something he said in our conversation about "Criers." (I think thats what they were called) They were hired to attended funerals and cry. It was a way of coping, mourning, and having people express sadness to bring more respect to the dead person. This idea seemed a little bit far fetch to me. I just wondering how that started, how this job evolved and into what? If your parents from their generation had any similar experiences.

great post

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From Ben:

I really liked that this post provided detailed information on both the ways of caring for the dead that are thought of as most common. Your grandmother's perspective on cremation was particularly interesting to me because I sort of have similar ideas, and I believe that my grandmother felt the same way (she was cremated as well). "I believe our soul/consciousness survives beyond death and does not require a body for any kind of supposed
resurrection." This quote does an excellent job of capturing the basic argument supporting cremation. Finally, I enjoyed the way you provided the historical traditions that were the reason for your other grandmother's decision to have an open casket burial. The argument seems to be for more practicality/freeing the soul from the body vs. preservation of the body & soul together. Nice job!

From Sharif:

Arden, I felt that your project really took a look at the spiritual aspect of caring for the dead. The fact that your grandmother is already planning her death is not something to common but when it happens it is commendable. I feel that it personally takes a lot of courage to be able to accept your mortality and then face it head on. One line specifically stood out to me. "This plan of action has been in place for about 8 years now. This was a decision that was made as a result of her brother’s death. That experience was so emotionally challenging that my grandma did not want anyone in our family going through it when she died. " These lines showed that death does not only bring about negative effects but can also positively affect you. The fact that your grandma's brother’s death affected her in such a way that she was able to go out and change an aspect of her life for the better is really exciting and inspiring.

From Hadley:

Arden,

Hadley here! your piece was so interesting. I like how you started off with a quote and ending with a great question. You made a project that included many different points of view on death without including to much of your own opinion and judgment on it.

In my mind, I want my "care of death" to be most similar to what my mom described. When i die I want those I love to celebrate the good times in my life than mourn over my death. Like my mom I want a cremation and to be scattered in all the places I love. Having the sense of letting go: for my body to be in the earth, and for my family to let go in a more positive "its ok" way.

COTD#1

I have only been to a couple of cemeteries in my lifetime. This first picture of me when I went to visit St Paul’s cemetery in lower Manhattan. There were a surprising number of people there. Not only because they were doing this project but plenty of tourists, a bunch of people walking around, taking pictures. Looking at the cemetery from afar it seemed less than well maintained. My initials inferences were the water pipes weaving between tombs stones, broken and fallen stones, and the patches of grass that covered the area randomly. Then attempted to read the stones, but I found that most of them were so faded that it was unrecognizable. I discovered a grave that was to a man who man George Washington’s battle sword. I reconsidered my thoughts about the cemetery. As I walked through it the more beautiful it got. It was a peaceful place in the middle of a chaotic and busy area. It is amazing that the cemetery has survived since 1766 and through the 9/11 attacks. Then I thought again about all its imperfections, which then I realize just symbolizes its age. All the cracks, the worn signs, give the cemetery its unique character. The same way a person experiences aging was what I saw in the cemetery. Are cemeteries more about the dead or the living?

The Second cemetery I went to visit was in Rutland Vermont. Stones went on in every direction in no particular pattern. The graves began to disappear the further you got into the forest surrounding it. The weather consisted of only rain. I showed up at the cemetery and thought I was the only one there. Honestly I was a little scared, I’ m not sure hwy exactly. It might have something to do with the way cemeteries are portrayed in all the scary movies I have seen. Yeah ok zombie aren’t real I get it. I don’t know what I was afraid of. While I walked around I noticed I was alone (no not a zombie) there was a man digging a grave. I was relived to see someone else there and so I wasn’t afraid to approach him. I went over and said hello to him. He was a little who had been digging graves for about 15 years, on top of working other jobs. He has buried to many people to count and most of whom he has known. The man was right when he said that cemeteries are scary because “Your voice is the only one you can hear”