My first story begins with me. Unfortunately I don’t remember any of it. Which brings me to my first question: why doesn’t anyone ever remember anything about when they were born? This also brings me to my first interview. It occurred to me on the beach one day that my mother would be a perfect candidate to interview. For one thing, she is super easy to talk to. On top of that, she has multiple experiences, one of which being me. So without warning I drove right into the conversation asking what it was like having a baby? After 17 years my mom embraces my tendencies for randomness. "It was not fun" My mother replied. I appreciated her humor. She looked at me for further instructions. And that was when I explained the unit and explained my wandering thought process of questions. It was fairly easy talking to her about birth. It was fairly easy talking to her about anything. Although I still did what I could to steer the conversation away from the one of "Where babies come from?" Because that’s always an awkward conversation that mother try and jump into.
Skipping how and proceeding right to the after math, I learned more about me. (Ill did my best to find the truth in the story my mother gave me and in the story my father gave me.) I was told about a year after my parents were married they began to think about having a child. With no solid decision made, it just happened. My mothers began to feel different, her body ached and certain areas grew. This transformation lead to my discovery. I heard it was a good thing, perhaps unplanned but most defiantly celebrated. My parents read books together, attended class, changed both their diets. See my dad was the type to go along with the process, as ridiculous as it may seem for an outsiders view. My mother guessed that "he was trying to prepare himself, cope with the changes that were going to happen in his life." or maybe "he was just trying to comfort me in the changes I was dealing with." After some time they learned it/ me was in fact a girl. They had to real choice about to be happy with the gender. However over my 17 years I have learned about some people wishing I were a boy. Some offense taken. Then again I have brothers now, who seem to fill that disappointed by being the ones to carry out the family name. It was when the gender was revealed that my parents began to brainstorm possible names. I was a potential Amanda, Ashley. They liked “A” names for reasons unknown. Later being inspired by Shakespeare my parents ruled out Amanda, made my middle name Ashley and decided on Arden. The Arden that represents the magical forest of Arden, in the play "As you like it."
My due was date was April 22nd. But those are only ever estimations. The day it actually happened started April 10th. It started when the water broke just before going to bed. Clueless my mom called the doctor. Who advised her to sleep best she could, not eat anything and come to the hospital in the morning. So my parents full of only book knowledge grabbed the bag, the bag that was readily packed and listened to the doctor’s instructions.
At the hospital, my mother was put in a room shared with another women. Clean cut, uniformed look a-like doctors surrounded her. Was it weird having stranger after stranger in and out of the room? I asked my mother. I was curious if women get self-conscious being so exposed to so many different random people. " I thought I would be. But with the pain of the contractions, and the heavy doses of drugs that’s the last thing on your mind." What was on your mind? My mother, I would imagine like most women was afraid that something would go wrong, either with the baby or themselves. “You begin to doubt your body’s ability.” 24 hours after the water breaking, the doctor decided a sea section would be best. This is when I arrived: warm, small and silent. 24 hours late, 4 hours short of my grandma birthday, April 12th. The doctor slapping me violently erupted the silence and I took my very important, first breaths of air.
Fairly shortly after my mother got pregnant again. Which brings me to my second story of a birth. A year and a half apart, I’m talking about my sister. Now at this time my family lived in France. Although so much in common currently our birth stories are also entirely different.
A sea section was scheduled for November 16th. With preparations made prior to the date, and a past experience my mother “felt much more prepared.” Together my parents took the bus to the hospital. Where my mother was in her own room. The doctor unlike the one in my case was a woman who “wore purple velvet shoes” she was “humorous.” So when asked which one is preferred my mother answered without hesitation that France was a more accommodating place to give birth, “My preference without a doubt.”
How does the process of birth differ in other countries?
What are the pros and cons?
"I thought I just had to poop" I’ve heard of women being unaware of their pregnancy before. Apparently there is a whole show about it, for all those non-believers. And I have always wondered why/how that could happen? It may seem more plausible and unnoticeable in a heavier person, but that’s not always the case. I held my third interview out for this particular person. Ill respects her request to not use her name so I will call her M. A 19 year old, standing at 5' 6" and an average weight of 130 pounds who happens to be one of those cases. M had been sexually active for about three years and "started using birth control pills since 17." She described no dramatic changes with her body, "with my busy schedule I didn't think much of the little changes." M started out one of those non-believers, it didn't happened, and couldn’t happen to her. Turns out that those women who didn't know they were pregnant until labor described her perfectly. The signs were mostly all the same as she described to me, "My periods were already irregular, I just didn't think about it much." There were not any out of the ordinary food cravings seen in other pregnancies. Then of course there is the baby's growth, normally noticeable. With no drastic changes M justified her weight gain to "stress, lack of sleep." Cramps always came with her period, and once again were never thought of as anything more than just cramps. When that day came, "I thought I had to poop." M did what any human would do and went to work out her "busy." But was surprised when a baby started to come. Out of shock and disbelief she called desperately for her boyfriend. Who in panic ran to the downstairs apartment of a nurse? Together they managed to get the baby and cut the umbilical cord. M and her baby went to the hospital and were both fine.
And this is where I come in. Unprepared, M at this point had no idea what to do with the baby. She was currently enrolled in college, and "hadn’t even considered life with a baby." So her called my step mom who works with an adoption agency. It was my step mom’s job lay out all of her options. The baby: a healthy unnamed newborn was in the care of the agency. "I couldn’t commit to adoption" and unable to care for the baby then. A plan was devised for M to before more parent equipped and then claim her baby.
How do our bodies change/adapt to being pregnant?
Arden i felt that this post was the best one yet. i could tell you put a lot of thought into it (and not just because it is so long). i felt your ideas were very developed and showed a deeper thought process that not a lot of people are capable of doing. My favorite line was "Turns out that those women who didn't know they were pregnant until labor described her perfectly. The signs were mostly all the same as she described to me, My periods were already irregular, I just didn't think about it much.There were not any out of the ordinary food cravings seen in other pregnancies. Then of course there is the baby's growth, normally noticeable. With no drastic changes M justified her weight gain to stress, lack of sleep." I felt like this line was particularly interesting because of the fact that it involves the both physical and mental change of women during pregnancy,but not only that you also explore women who are unaware they are pregnant and what the physical and mental change is like for them.
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't have the pleasure of writing this from a beach I enjoyed your post very much.I liked how you made it personnel, I feel some of the deepest insights we can get is from are own life's sometimes.For me I loved when you said "My mother guessed that "he was trying to prepare himself, cope with the changes that were going to happen in his life." or maybe "he was just trying to comfort me in the changes I was dealing with" I think you were getting at something that in the mist of the birth topic is sometimes sorely missed. That not only is their a baby on the way, but a relationship that has created this life. It appears to me that the birth of a first child can either make or break a relationship. It's a testing time where both people like you pointed out our changing but also trying to be their for one another. It's weird how almost everybody goes into marriage knowing most likely they'll eventually be having a child but then when that day comes their all of a sudden like "ooo shit where having a baby". I thought you brought up a real interesting point at the end as well when you said " A plan was devised for M to before more parent equipped and then claim her baby." Ive been struggling with this idea is it right to bring a baby in this world if your not equipped, even if you accuse is it was a accident ? In my belief its not. I think in fact the problem is that where not problematizing the fact that more and more people are having children and not ready. More than 4 million babies are born in the United States each year, this number is both shocking and disturbing to me because out of that number almost 750,000 U.S. women age 15–19 become pregnant every year.And most teens I know are barely mature or cable a nove to handle themselves how could they handle a baby. This is not to highlight just teens , their are equal amounts of adults who shouldn't be having children. That's why I think your choice of wording "equipped" is right on the money. When and what makes someone equipped a nove to have a child ? . Giving life is a great power that no one has given or taken any responsibility for.Plato said "For neither birth, nor wealth, nor honors, can awaken in the minds of men the principles which should guide those who from their youth aspire to an honorable and excellent life, as Love awakens them." I enjoyed that your voice didnt really get lost in your writing .You had a real great post.I cant wait to read more :)
ReplyDeleteFirst off, well written piece. I really like the topic. You made some really good points. I like this piece was factual, but at the same time pretty personal. I also like how you added questions in it, it made me answer them in my head and think more throughly of what you were talking about. I have to say that it was a bit confusing at times, but i think that could be easily fixed if you were to proof read! Overall great piece once again. I am eager to see what you write next!
ReplyDeleteHadley