Tuesdays with Morrie Part II

Tuesdays With Morrie

By: Mitch Albom

Publisher: Random House

Year published: 1997

Precis: accepting death makes for living a more fulfilling life

"Don't cling to things, because everything is impermanent." (p.103) Morrie addresses the point that nothing lasts forever. He suggests that a person should not become to closely evolved with something that they know is not going to last. Existentially Morrie is talking about the idea of detaching yourself. I think for a person to be satisfied they need to have a sense of togetherness. Usually fulfilling that position in a relationship. Which brings up a other, somewhat contradicting point that Morrie expresses, "Death ends a life, not a relationship." (174) Morrie states that even if death separates two people the love they shared with go on. So he could be implying that relationships go on forever. Which contradictions what he previously said about everything coming to an end. On the other hand, other personalities aspects of Morrie shown within the book could show that he is implying relationships will go on as long as people remember them. So if they don’t die with death they will die later by simply being forgotten. Which makes more sense to me in the way that it still supports that nothing goes on forever.

"When you learn how to die, you learn how to live." (p.104) Meaning that a part of living is accepting dying. Easier said than done in my opinion. Its understandable that people constantly try to ignore or comfort themselves when thinking about death. Some simply don’t want to believe it so; they choose to ignore it, To isolate themselves away from the dying or dead. Others, comfort themselves with ideas of what might be true. People fear the idea of the unknown. So people develop explanations, answers. Either way It’s inevitable.

"If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow." (p.118,119) Getting old is a guaranteed about living. Morrie says that fighting about the things that are inevitable is not worth it. Addressing your focus on things you have no control over will only cause you to be unhappy. And I think he is right. In relation to this quote I thought about the process of living. As kids, we want to big kids, grown-ups. When we get older we wish to be young again. I don’t really understand it. I guess it’s the same idea that people don’t want to die but they also don’t want to live forever.

Morrie talks briefly talks about losing his mother to an illness. He talks about being child and no being able to understand the complexity of the situation. As a child he made the chose to pretend she was not sick, he purposely ignored her when she shows signs of the illness weaken her. Most of us choice the preferred course of pretending, we pretend everything is ok to ignore the quality of our immortality. How one deals with death is different for everyone. A part of the mourning process depends on a person’s age. As a child Morrie was not sure what was going on, he felt abandoned. He was over come with sadness. A child who can’t fully grasp the situation might feel abandoned. Where as a person who is older might more easily accept it and be thankful for the time they did have. This is where I think a person’s knowledge plays a part in mourning process. A person who has come to terms by accepting that death is inevitable, that everyone’s time is limited, well then they, like Morrie, is likely to be accepting of dying or losing a loved one.

Tuesdays with Morrie part I.

Tuesdays With Morrie

By: Mitch Albom

Publisher: Random House

Year published: 1997

Precis: A students is reunited with his dying professor. Together they embrace death, and reflection on their lives.

“Do I wither up and disappear, or do I make the best of my time left?” (p.10) Morrie is diagnosed with a terminal illness. He can let the disease slowly take over turning him into a vegetable or he can make a final accomplishment with the time he has left. Most of us believe we would try and make the best of our last months of living. However I also think that most of us wouldnt. It is not a secret that our time is limited, yet no one lives everyday to the fullest. Do we have to be sick to appreciate being healthy? Do we have to experience some event with death to appreciate life?

“There are some mornings when I cry and cry and mourn for myself. Some mornings, I’m so angry and bitter. But it doesn’t last too long. Then I get up and say, I want to live . . (p. 21) Morries illness is slowly taking over, he does not always know how to react. He is completely helpless and has begun to rely on other people for the most simple tasks. In his helpless state, somedays he feels sorry for himself, other days Morrie is angry and frustrated. In the end Morrie wants to make the best of the time he has left.

“Everyone knows they’re going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently.” (p.81) Death seems like such a distance thing to us. We dont know when it happens or how it happens, and not knowing is scary. It seems as though in the back of our minds we know we are going to die but we choose to ignore it. We comfort ourselves by pretending its not going to happen, least not for a while. If somehow people were able to accept that their lives could end at any point , I have no doubt that they would chose to live their lives differently; by taking more chances, saying things they normally wouldnt.

"We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half-asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do" (p.83) Everyone lives within a routine. Never stopping to notice all the things that your missing. Weather its going to work, school or the littler things like sleep, brushing teeth. Illness disrupts the routine people have.

Death is not a comforting topic, not to think about not to talk about. The very little anyone knows about it makes it something we fear. Although death is inevitable and happens all the time,. even then, people find it challenging to accept the reality or have a difficult time dealing with an experience related to death. Unlike most Morrie is an elderly man who is surprisingly accepting of death. I couldn't help but read the story and feel some what offense. Morrie has accepted that he is going to die and he is fine talking about whenever to anyone. Maybe I show some resentment because i do not have the same outlook on death as he might. on the other hand, I feel as though Morrie is giving up. He is fine with dying and now relies on other people to do everyday tasks for him.

Comments

On partners blog:

I. To Johnny,

I would like to focus on the depth of your post. You start with several good bullet points. All of which focus on a different detail in Eriks story. While writing about these points you continuously express how they must felt, like in the line "this Must've been very stressful ... not knowing if Erik would get medical help. " In addition you include you own personal experiences similar to Beth's, you said it " reminded me of all the family members I had lost." You really seemed to make a deep connect with Beth's story. Through your writing you were able to show that you understood the perspective she was coming from and that you were able take away from the discussion with some deeper insight. Your detailed deep thinking made for an overall good blog post.

II. Sharif,

I really enjoyed reading your post. Your post addressed this topic from many different perspectives. You managed to take the basics of Beths story and create a deeper understanding for yourself through connected it to class and other aspects of life. You were able to find the parallels in her story to your own personal experience. I appreciate your honesty and thoughtfulness through out the post. I particularly like line when you said "I tried to keep my self away from the illness by keeping myself away from the ill." Which helps explain why the ill are so isolated. It seems as though the ill want to isolated, but others do not want to be around them either. This is what puts a stress on peoples relationships.
great job!

Had said...

I think the way you added your feeling into your writing, is what really made it powerful. Your writing is beautiful and makes me connect to my own life. I loved how you said "it’s the people who are alive who get most effected by death." I liked this quote because its true. When people die, it greatly affects the people who are living. I think by using a story to convey your ideas it makes the reader more interested in the meaning of it. Another quote i like is " Being someone who has no close personal experiences death seems unworldly" because this quote is so honest. And even though you dont have any personal experience to death, you seem like you can really relate to those people who have experienced death, which is very impressive.

Guy said...

Thinking about dying or losing a loved one is uncomfortable and so ignoring signs that expose one's sense of mortality often becomes a preferred course. Once death or fatal illness becomes evident the mourning process begins. Everyone mourns differently: some cry, some give thanks for the person's impact on their lives, and some throw a wild party like in New Orleans. Since death is a part of life, maybe more time should be spent developing a philosophy about life, so that when it ends, we can put it into better context and be less surprised, and thus, less effected. Maybe, just maybe, life is "Hell", and "Heaven" is the place you go to when you die. Maybe, just maybe, when you die, you go "home". Maybe the tough part is the lessons each person learns as they travel through the winding paths that are life. If true, shouldn't we be celebrating their return "home"? Maybe, just maybe, we feel sad only because we selfishly know that we have to complete our journey without the presence of the one who died. If we were truly thinking about them, then maybe we should celebrating the time we had together; celebrating their return home; and be happy to know they will be waiting for us when its our turn.

Expert #1

1.Addressing sickness is not a top propriety for most. Erik convinced himself he was ok and ignored the physical state of his body to continue with his art show.

2.Erik was hesitant and defensive when his sickness was called out.

3.Ignoring how Erik felt he continued to accomplish his work on producing his art show. Like Erik most people tend to convince themselves they are fine, they do not want to deal with the burden of getting sick. Only when it becomes unbearable do they seek medical attention.

4.Erik and his family delayed getting medical attention before they had insurance. there are certain preparations that are made before going to see a doctor.

5.There was never any discussion related to death or the process of dying in Erik's experience.

6.Beth avoiding her husband being known as his disease, or just another number. It was important to her that people see him as the artistic people he was.

7.Once there were no other alternatives, Erik’s final stages were made as comfortable as possible for him.

8.Illness is the reality that humans are not immortal, and this gave Beth anew found appreciation for the everyday simple things.

9.When Erik died, everything was taken over by stillness.

To Beth, it never seemed possible that Erik, her upbeat husband could be defected by a termination illness. Being faced so close to death Beth was hit with the reality of immortality. For many of us it feels like such an unknown, unlikely, distance thing. Being someone who has no close personal experiences death seems unworldly. It is well known that death is inevitable. All of our days are numbered. Facing the challenges of dealing with an illness Beth developed with a newfound appreciation for the everyday simple things.

Addressing illness is not a top propriety. Erik ignored the state of his body and was determined to pursue his career goal. On several occasions he was asked if he was ok. Erik was defensive; he avoided the feeling of being weak. He was able to convince himself and others he was fine. Even though the symptoms where there; Erik would no longer sleep lying down, he coughed, and had noticeable weight loss. Moving down the list of priorities, Erik finally seeked medical attention. Like Erik most people tend to convince themselves they are fine, they do not want to deal with the burden of getting sick. Only when it becomes unbearable do they seek medical attention.

I respect Beth’s strength and courage coming to tell her story. It must’ve been easy for her to talk so openly about something so personal to a bunch of strangers. During the discussion I couldn’t help but feel bad. I couldn’t help but have the urge to apologize, like most of us do when we hear about a death; “Sorry for your loss” “Sorry that happen”. But it doesn’t change anything; it doesn’t make anything better, why do we say it? The way most of us handle someone’s loss is by throwing them pity. by doing so, we should a side of sensitivity, without being able to ever understand how they feel. I can’t imagine every losing someone that close to me. It is well aware that death is inevitable, no one gets out alive, is there a way we can better prepare for it? Beth mentioned dying before everyone you cared about. It occurred to me that sometimes it’s the people who are alive who get most effected by death.

Family thoughts-illness and dying

Everyone in my house was busy when I asked to talk. Out of luck and out of resources I sat down and joined my six-year-old brother. I did not expect him to understand the issues I had in mind. However I gave it a shot. I began by asking him how he felt when he was sick? He replied “blah.” Joking around I asked him what he ment by that. Taken by surprise he answered, that he did not feel good, “I can’t do anything.” So I asked him what he wanted to do but couldn’t do when he was sick? And sure enough I was surprised by a response. My brother explained to me that he likes having play dates with his friends. But when you’re taken over by some illness that’s the last thing you want to do. Somehow my brother described the feeling we have all experienced. When most people get sick, they turn into blobs. Unresponsive and sad they choose to isolate themselves from others as a healing process. Why do we choose to isolate ourselves? Curl up on the coach, hide away in our rooms? Why do people want to be so alone? Well my brother told me the reason he did not want to see his friends was because he was embarrassed. Discomforted by what they might think of them. Personally, I just don’t feel like myself. I don’t want to see friends; all I want is to be alone to be better. Often times ill make a commitment to myself that I will change my lifestyle to avoid getting sick again. But honestly that does not last very long, and then once again Im stuck in the same situation.

In our society that’s how it works. People are divided, the ill get sent away to a hospital with the other ill. We don’t like being uncomfortable, useless, embarrassed.

What other methods are there? My brother told me about taking medicine, “the yucky stuff” that makes you better, and the quick fix to getting better. In his mind, when a person is sick they take medicine, because that what will make you better. In my house there is no objections to taking medicine. If you feel lousy, headache, stomachache, cough, running nose, well take some medicine. To restore and regain yourself this is the quick easy allopathic method. Would changing a diet, doing some exercise have the same effect? My mother does not seem to think so, “A longer course of action should be taken when you’re dealing with something serious.” Could you please define serious mother… in her opinion, Systematic change is only necessary when medicine cannot “cure” you.

These really weren’t the answers I had expected or wanted to hear. I prepared my self for a discussion a little deeper. Maybe one that had some personal experience involved. I feel as though I received answers all that I have heard before. Boring. So I started to think, about my family, my family’s history, my history.

I remember very vividly getting sick once while at my grandma’s house. The reason I remember this so intensely was because of how strange I thought it was. I was dealing with the common types of flu symptoms and my grandma refused to give me medicine. As a kid who despised the taste all I wanted was to get better ASAP. So instead of taking me to the doctor or filling me with medicine, she handled it her way. My grandmother put me in bed, and tended to my needs. Which was nice, I liked getting pitied I enjoyed the attention. The weird thing about it was that my grandmother didn’t resign to any allopathic method. In her mind some tea and a simply prayer would do it. She instructed me to close my eyes and talk to God. Tell Him what was wrong; tell Him what I hoped for. Guess it couldn’t hurt, but unlike her I had no belief that it would make things better.

Thanksgiving

Year after year celebrating Thanksgiving for me was always with the family and included, turkey, stuffing, and pie. It is an annually ritual that the whole family partakes in. Whether it was spent with my Mom or my Dad it was the same celebration of food and togetherness. It was always absolutely vital that each member of the family was together; interestingly it was a different focus of execution with my mother than with my father.

This year, I woke up early on Thanksgiving to spend the morning watching the parade. There was no real plan for the day. From the parade we went home and relaxed. My mother did not want to put aside the time to cook and prepare the traditional "feast" in our small kitchen. Therefore as an attempt to limit the losses my mother had the whole meal ordered and delivered directly into the fridge. She did not want the hassle of picking out all the ingredients, or dealing with the heavy bags all the way home, and the preparation and frustration to follow still. So dinner was all set. My aunt arrived later, adding to the chaos with her four kids, yelling and screaming as they came through the door. None of us were thinking about our clothes, we wore whatever we wanted. Everyone coming over was exciting and yes, it was loud and hectic but it was nice having both of the families come together. We had football on the television in the back round. The kids were playing together in our new apartment. No one had to worry about cooking anything; no one had to worry about time management. So instead of concentrating on the preparation of the food our focal point was each other. We sat around talking and just enjoyed each other’s company. When everyone was hungry, well, then dinner was simply unwrapped and heated. I would go on but my sister and I left before the main event of feasting happened. This year we were scheduled to spend with our Dad.

At my Dad’s house the celebration of Thanksgiving is a much longer and more thought-out process of production. The preparation for Thanksgiving starts as soon as it is November. My grandparents uncover all their tacky extravagant decorations. While the list is formed with everyone’s name is placed next to that is what they to bring to the dinner. The whole event is filled with traditions I don’t even know the meaning of. For example, someone is always responsible to arrive with banana bread. I have no idea where this tradition came from, nor do I have no objections to it. Also, the location of the feast rotates around the family. Unfortunately, this year it was set to take place at my Dad's house which comes with the tasks of playing the right music, having each room clean and presentable, and having enough room for people. So as you might imagine as soon as my sister and I got to the house we were put to work. We weren’t done until we were dressed in something appropriate for the occasion. Showing up in just anything you set yourself up for those deadly glares. One after the other after the other people started to arrive. My great grandmother who is 97 years old showed up by surprise. She was not feeling well, which was a good enough excuse to let her stay home. Even though she spent most of the night in the chair in the corner she was present. She was not the obvious lady she normally was. It was just nice to see her there though; everyone went over to her at least once to say hi. Usually being a very interacting lady I imagine she felt uncomfortable and helpless being talked down to. The fact alone that she was there seemed enough just to make her and other people happy. Another family member came all the way from California. His ticket was booked so far in advance because he too knew he needed to be there. A lot of faces I have never even seen before. My uncle had one of his really good friends tag along with him. Until Thanksgiving everyone had only ever heard about him. Which makes me curious why more people don’t spend thanksgiving with their friends? We are thankful for friends too. It was suddenly a bunch bigger crowd compared to the thanksgiving that was set up at my mother’s house. Which made the atmosphere more hectic by far and happy too.

The main focus point of our Thanksgiving was the food. Food was being prepared in my house all day long. People were bringing food. There were so many different types of dishes. Most of our conservations were based on where the food came from. People were asking about recipes. From beginning to end people told the stories about each of their creations. To talk about the food was honestly a bonding experience. A friend of the family brought a couple of vegetarian dishes. To be honest it did not look very good. She explained to me how easy it was. Although it you asked me to make it I probably couldn’t. I tried my best to be open-minded and to my surprise I did really like it. There was not a dish that was fried. However there were dishes that people just decided to buy, like the pie. The heavy task of making the banana bread was taken on by one of my uncles.

Illness and Dying

The common cold, cancer, diabetes. We have all had experiences involved some type of sickness. Weather it being a person we know or have experienced ourselves, it is bound to happen. So what do we do?

Ever heard of Advil, Tylenol, and exceberian? The common cure for the common symptoms. And if that is not good enough, there are other ways to cure our illnesses. We have doctors; the specialists who know rely on to know what’s wrong and how to fix it. What makes a doctor certified to say what’s wrong with someone? Do they always know the best cure? Can they fully understand what it is like to be the one who is ill? Along with doctors there are hospitals. The buildings that are coded with white halls and white walls. They’re spilt into different units, each designed to accommodate certain illnesses.

My five-year-old brother still afraid of doctors. At a young age I to remember being so afraid of the doctor. So convinced they wanted to hurt me. Their cartoon character uniforms were so misleading. Because little did my brother or I know the needle waiting to price our skin was being held close at hand.

I remember visiting my great aunt Dorothy in the hospital. Her body started to weaken due to her old age. My whole family went to see her. By that I mean my dad, sister, cousin and I. at that age the hospital was a terrifying place. I to my father afraid of what I might see if I looked around. I thought if you somehow ended up in the hospital something really must have been wrong with you. We walked down the solely colored white hallways. We came to my aunt’s room. Again painted white, there really was clingded isn't anything comforting about this place at all. The only symbol of happiness I saw was the flowers that lay beside her bed, and even they looked sad and uncomfortable. They looked like they had been there for a while because they to looked frail and weak. Which makes me wonder: why do people bring flowers to the sick? Why do are there always flowers at a funeral? My old tired aunt was lying in her small sized bed. When I saw her it was hard not to feel sorry for her. I was confused, didn't know how to act, what to say, what she wanted. And so, I didn’t dare start the conversation, I didn’t know how. What should I have said? So what’s life like in the hospital? Uh hey, how’s the food in this place? To avoid the awkward situation, and possibly humiliating one I just kept my mouth shut. My father started with something like how you feeling? Or good to see you. Further n the conversation she just came right out and said it: I know im dying. It was a thought that crossed everyone’s mind, but no one wanted to believe it let alone hear it is said. How could she say it so casually? I stood there appalled, still at a loss of words. The entire visit she would make comments like that. She was completely aware and readily prepared to face whatever was in her future. Death is inevitable, she accepted that. I was inspired by the way she spoke without any fear. She must have known what she was talking about because she died 2 weeks later.

Can a person know? How does a person prepare for such an event?