Baby Stories

My first story begins with me. Unfortunately I don’t remember any of it. Which brings me to my first question: why doesn’t anyone ever remember anything about when they were born? This also brings me to my first interview. It occurred to me on the beach one day that my mother would be a perfect candidate to interview. For one thing, she is super easy to talk to. On top of that, she has multiple experiences, one of which being me. So without warning I drove right into the conversation asking what it was like having a baby? After 17 years my mom embraces my tendencies for randomness. "It was not fun" My mother replied. I appreciated her humor. She looked at me for further instructions. And that was when I explained the unit and explained my wandering thought process of questions. It was fairly easy talking to her about birth. It was fairly easy talking to her about anything. Although I still did what I could to steer the conversation away from the one of "Where babies come from?" Because that’s always an awkward conversation that mother try and jump into.

Skipping how and proceeding right to the after math, I learned more about me. (Ill did my best to find the truth in the story my mother gave me and in the story my father gave me.) I was told about a year after my parents were married they began to think about having a child. With no solid decision made, it just happened. My mothers began to feel different, her body ached and certain areas grew. This transformation lead to my discovery. I heard it was a good thing, perhaps unplanned but most defiantly celebrated. My parents read books together, attended class, changed both their diets. See my dad was the type to go along with the process, as ridiculous as it may seem for an outsiders view. My mother guessed that "he was trying to prepare himself, cope with the changes that were going to happen in his life." or maybe "he was just trying to comfort me in the changes I was dealing with." After some time they learned it/ me was in fact a girl. They had to real choice about to be happy with the gender. However over my 17 years I have learned about some people wishing I were a boy. Some offense taken. Then again I have brothers now, who seem to fill that disappointed by being the ones to carry out the family name. It was when the gender was revealed that my parents began to brainstorm possible names. I was a potential Amanda, Ashley. They liked “A” names for reasons unknown. Later being inspired by Shakespeare my parents ruled out Amanda, made my middle name Ashley and decided on Arden. The Arden that represents the magical forest of Arden, in the play "As you like it."

My due was date was April 22nd. But those are only ever estimations. The day it actually happened started April 10th. It started when the water broke just before going to bed. Clueless my mom called the doctor. Who advised her to sleep best she could, not eat anything and come to the hospital in the morning. So my parents full of only book knowledge grabbed the bag, the bag that was readily packed and listened to the doctor’s instructions.

At the hospital, my mother was put in a room shared with another women. Clean cut, uniformed look a-like doctors surrounded her. Was it weird having stranger after stranger in and out of the room? I asked my mother. I was curious if women get self-conscious being so exposed to so many different random people. " I thought I would be. But with the pain of the contractions, and the heavy doses of drugs that’s the last thing on your mind." What was on your mind? My mother, I would imagine like most women was afraid that something would go wrong, either with the baby or themselves. “You begin to doubt your body’s ability.” 24 hours after the water breaking, the doctor decided a sea section would be best. This is when I arrived: warm, small and silent. 24 hours late, 4 hours short of my grandma birthday, April 12^th. The doctor slapping me violently erupted the silence and I took my very important, first breaths of air.

What are the most important steps/procedures done by doctors during a birth?

Fairly shortly after my mother got pregnant again. Which brings me to my second story of a birth. A year and a half apart, I’m talking about my sister. Now at this time my family lived in France. Although so much in common currently our birth stories are also entirely different.

A sea section was scheduled for November 16^th. With preparations made prior to the date, and a past experience my mother “felt much more prepared.” Together my parents took the bus to the hospital. Where my mother was in her own room. The doctor unlike the one in my case was a woman who “wore purple velvet shoes” she was “humorous.” So when asked which one is preferred my mother answered without hesitation that France was a more accommodating place to give birth, “My preference without a doubt.”

How does the process of birth differ in other countries?

What are the pros and cons?

"I thought I just had to poop" I’ve heard of women being unaware of their pregnancy before. Apparently there is a whole show about it, for all those non-believers. And I have always wondered why/how that could happen? It may seem more plausible and unnoticeable in a heavier person, but that’s not always the case. I held my third interview out for this particular person. Ill respects her request to not use her name so I will call her M. A 19 year old, standing at 5' 6" and an average weight of 130 pounds who happens to be one of those cases. M had been sexually active for about three years and "started using birth control pills since 17." She described no dramatic changes with her body, "with my busy schedule I didn't think much of the little changes." M started out one of those non-believers, it didn't happened, and couldn’t happen to her. Turns out that those women who didn't know they were pregnant until labor described her perfectly. The signs were mostly all the same as she described to me, "My periods were already irregular, I just didn't think about it much." There were not any out of the ordinary food cravings seen in other pregnancies. Then of course there is the baby's growth, normally noticeable. With no drastic changes M justified her weight gain to "stress, lack of sleep." Cramps always came with her period, and once again were never thought of as anything more than just cramps. When that day came, "I thought I had to poop." M did what any human would do and went to work out her "busy." But was surprised when a baby started to come. Out of shock and disbelief she called desperately for her boyfriend. Who in panic ran to the downstairs apartment of a nurse? Together they managed to get the baby and cut the umbilical cord. M and her baby went to the hospital and were both fine.

And this is where I come in. Unprepared, M at this point had no idea what to do with the baby. She was currently enrolled in college, and "hadn’t even considered life with a baby." So her called my step mom who works with an adoption agency. It was my step mom’s job lay out all of her options. The baby: a healthy unnamed newborn was in the care of the agency. "I couldn’t commit to adoption" and unable to care for the baby then. A plan was devised for M to before more parent equipped and then claim her baby.

How do our bodies change/adapt to being pregnant?

Other people on Birth (-or+ 5 years)

With no prior knowledge of the stances of the people I interviewed I approached the conversation very causally. I have found that a more conversation-based word exchange is better than just shooting out questions. When talking about controversial issues I try to avoid “attacking” or offending the person at all costs. Therefore I started saying what their beliefs were on birth. Simply that so there was no wrong answer and I would have more of a foundation of their thoughts to work with. I respect the request to kept names unsaid, and so I apologize for using mostly he/she’s.

Marriage=babies?

I was pleased to find that one of the first people I started talking to about birth was comfortable talking to me (practically a stranger) about it. I felt that the frame of her plan was very similar to the dominant one of our society. Initially we discussed the factor of age. What age is too early to be thinking about having children? Personally she thought it all depended on age, “It is a matter of maturity, 17 or 27.” We continued our talk, making it more personally. She talked about how she “wasn’t ready to have a child now” nor did she want one right now, but when she finds the right person that’s when she would consider children. I think its strange how people go on a search for the right one and only then do they consider children. It seems like an important step in our society of the American dream. This was a common thought with the second person I interviewed. He thought it was better to have children when two people were married, “its better for the child physiologically to have parents that are closer together.” Theoretically he thinks that a marriage makes parents look “established” and stronger. This justifies why marriage is better for the child. While the parents are in a bond hard to get out of it forces the family together. But above all “Parenting together would just makes everything easier.”

Celebration

If you did not already hear the term baby shower what would you have thought? Person number 3 described an experience going to a baby shower, “It was all her girl friend celebrating her baby.” A baby shower is simply a way to welcome the baby and congratulate the mom to be. Who came up with that? We discussed the topic further, although she didn’t seem very interested. She did not see what I personally found so strange with the process of a baby shower. Although I have no first hand experience, I’m not one to judge. She discussed with me what she knew. That baby showers are usually only held for the first child. But gave no reasoning, if its purpose is to congratulate the mom to be then a baby shower for your first born signifies your role forever as a mother?

BIRTH.

My initial thought process was sparked by memories. I began to recall the times I have experienced events related to birth. I remember a family member getting pregnant with her boyfriend. That hadn't been together for that long, which was why it came as a shock when they announced their engagement. They said they were getting married because they loved each other. Sure they, no one doubted that. But everyone seemed to question other factors that might have pushed them to the decision. The pregnancy was kept a secret. Only till after the wedding was it made more public for celebration. Why is it frowned upon to have a baby with someone and not be married? Its a situation more common than just within my family. It seems as though magazines and support groups are focused on the couple. There is an entirely new magazine or group for women without a partner. So Maybe for some it has to do with religion, or family tradition.

In the right circumstances the process of pregnancy is celebrated. However I disagree with everyone who thinks that Birth is a beautiful thing. Its not. Its only the idea of birth that flatters people. Its only the whole idea of one human bringing another one into the world that is beautiful. Is that why we congrat people on being pregnant? What exactly are are we congratulating them on? Taking on the long process and painful finish of birth?